2011: My Year in Review

I thought that It might be cool to go back through the months and point out the significant events that occured throughout the year. Some are good and some are bad... But overall it was an alright year.

The biggest achievement of the year was to get through the 1st year of Marriage. It was a difficult year and I can honestly say that as of December 31st, My husband and I are making changes and have been the past couple months to ensure that we have a long lasting and healthy marriage.

The biggest challenge this year has been infertility, as of December 28th I am on cycle 18 of trying. I have watched my three friends get pregnant, give birth and celebrate their children's first birthdays. I have spent most of the nights crying myself to sleep only wishing that the cries of a newborn would be keeping me up. I am hoping that 2012 will be my year.

January:

• Had the opportunity to see Buddy (The Cake Boss) Live
• Celebrated the Birth of Alessandra (My Second Cousin)
• Rescued a Cat
• Chloe got Really Sick, We had to pump her full of Benedryl.

February:

• celebrated 6 months of Marriage and 7 years of being together
• went to a London Knights Game

March:

• Celebrated Mark's 26th Birthday with Kinect

April:

• Celebrated Easter with the Kids that I work with
• Watched Mark's Cousin in Seusical the Musical

May:

• Celebrated the Wedding of Daryl and Stacey
• Started to Landscape our Garden for the first time
• Celebrated Victoria Day at Fanshawe Pioneer Village with the Vintage Baseball Team
• Celebrated the 1st Birthday of my 'nephew' Caidan
• Celebrated the Graduation of Mark's Sister from University

June:

• Celebrated the Wedding of Mark's Uncle Rick
• Built the pond in our back yard.

July:

• Celebrated Canada Day at the Braggs and then went to Michigan for the 4th of July
• Celebrated my 26th Birthday
• Enjoyed a Picnic with all our friends.

August:

• Mourned the loss of a cousin that drowned in the Trenton Canal.
• Built our new bedroom upstairs
• Celebrated our first Anniversary in Niagara Falls
• Started looking into Fertility Treatments since trying for one year with no luck.

September:

• Celebrated the 1st Birthday of Evander
• Began Fertility Treatment.

October:

• The Start of a very beautiful friendship with my two awesome coworkers
• The Cards won the world series
• Got my Playbook

November:

• Fell in Love with the song Sexy and I know it.
• The New Hospital in Our City opened their doors for the first time

December:

• Celebrated many Christamas'
• Went to see Marks cousin in the Children of Eden
• Finally got my first anniversary card!

What a boring day....

It is CD 29 for me...... according to monthlyinfo.com I should of had a visit from AF yesterday. But that is them figuring out my average cycle length for the past two years. Had I just finished my 4th cycle of Clomid things might change so I have no clue when to expect her. My first cycle on Clomid was 26 days, the second 29 and the last one 28. So If she doesn't come by the 31st I am going to be testing and praying for a miracle.

Christmas was actually pretty good. It kept me busy and not thinking about ttc all that much. BUT at times it did get a little difficult as I would sit and watch family conversing thinking that last year I thought this year I would be tending to a baby.. I would  trail off and actually picture my self holding a baby, bouncing and ssshing. Then I would have to get up and leave and shed a few tears. Some of you may not approve of my Christmas events... I chose to drink... I am not knowingly pregnant and I am tired of putting my life on hold for the past 18 months thinking what if i am pregnant... So I drank, I had a few beers here and there and not to mention my yummy sweedish berry martini that took me back to the very first date. But I think some of the drinking was to prevent anyone from asking if I was pregnant yet. Boy did I ever avoid that question.

One of my moments of weakness was my husband and I were chattering back and forth... I mentioned if you could just pump out at least one child for me then I would be okay and he retaliated by saying well if you could produce a child for me then you'd leave me alone....  I couldn't get upset because I started it...  I just walked away and was proud that I didn't start an argument

Onto New Years.....

The Wait Continues

So I found out at the end of September that my bff is unexpectedly expecting number 2. I found out via Facebook... GEEZ... Was I ever upset. It wasn't her post but her mother in laws but still I was the first one to find out before everyone with her first so it was rather upsetting to find out that I was basically the last to know this time. I got over it when she told me. However when she told me her reasoning I was beyond floored...... " I didn't know how to tell you". Me being her best friend I was hurt. I thought she knew me better then that... I am beyond thrilled for her.  Anyway found out friday that she is having a girl. So she has the millon dollar family. I can't wait to but all these little girl clothes.

On To Me.....

They increased the dosage this month from 50mg of Clomid to 100mg. I am now required to do monitoring to ensure that I am not producing to many follicles. I found out yesterday that there is a possibility that two eggs are going to be released. All that means is that chances of twins increase if I do get pregnant. My arms look like hell, bruising and such from all the needles for blood work. I will get through this I will.

I am not loosing hope evening though the things people have said to me that just hurt
"Just relax it will happen"
"Stop trying, Then it will happen"
"Have Faith"

I have been doing alot of day dreaming lately about how my life will change once a baby is here. I cry at the fact that it hasn't happened  yet but I am definitly looking forward to the future.

I will continue my rant tomorrow.. I just wanted to get on here because BK reminded me!!! <3